The Department of
Recreational Buoyancy
The Float Bureau

Will It
Float?

Contribute to the National Buoyancy Database

The Department of Recreational Buoyancy is dedicated to answering life’s most important question with wildly unnecessary seriousness.

Submit a Field Report ↓ View Official Findings ↓
🦝
DRB Federal Field Agent

Agent Panda

Science. Snacks. Surveillance. In that order.

🐾 The Float Bureau does not endorse littering, illegal dumping, or emotional support pontoons.
🐟 Please retrieve all beverages after testing. The fish have suffered enough.

🧭 Submit a Field Report

Freshwater
Saltwater
Mystery
❄️
Cold
β˜€οΈ
Normal
πŸ”₯
Warm
βœ…
Floated
〰️
Bobbled
⬇️
Sank

πŸ”¬ Official Findings

Outcome

Bobbled

Exhibited unstable but promising lake behavior.

Science Scores

Bobble Indexβ„’ 7.4/10
Pontoon Compatibility 6.8/10
Surface Retention 5.9/10
Aluminum Optimism 8.1/10

Agent Panda Comments

This aluminum vessel displayed classic mid-bobble behavior. Further testing encouraged, preferably with a cold beverage and better life choices.

βš“ Float Board

Top Bobble Lakes

  1. Lake Winnebago, WI β€” 7.8
  2. Lake Minnetonka, MN β€” 7.3
  3. Lake of the Ozarks, MO β€” 6.9
  4. Gull Lake, MN β€” 6.7
  5. Green Bay, WI β€” 6.5

Most Tested Beverages

  1. Light Beer
  2. Craft Beer
  3. Cider
  4. Pop / Soda
  5. Bubbly Water

Current Bobble Advisory

Elevated bobble conditions reported across northern Wisconsin lakes.

Pack accordingly. Test responsibly.

β€” Agent Panda

πŸ”­ Reports From the Field

Aluminum vs. Waves: A Love Story

Field agents document the complicated relationship between cans and chop.

Pontoon Proximity Effect

Why beverages get bolder when pontoons are near. Science is still unclear.

Sunset Testing Protocol

Best practices for concluding tests and beginning another cold one.

The Department of Recreational Buoyancy
A division of The Float Bureau.
Official. Unnecessary. Essential.
The Float Bureau does not endorse littering, illegal dumping, or emotional support pontoons.